What to Do When You Feel Like You're on a Dating RollerCoaster
If you feel like you either have too many dates or not enough, you're not alone. It is very common to do the "feast or famine" roller coaster. Lots of people go through dating droughts only to turn around and have a million guys or girls wanting to date them. You may think this roller coaster is just a random, mysterious cycle that you have no control over, but this may not be the case.
When they're in a dry spell, many people seem to scream out desperation. You don't appear very dateable if it's completely obvious you are longing for a date. On the other hand, if you're dating someone, your confidence goes up and you appear more desirable because you feel more desirable. You appear happier and more fun to be with when you're dating someone because you usually are happier. There is a way to smooth out this roller coaster. You can get more dates when you're in a famine and make better choices when you're feasting.
What Not to Do
1. Don't try too hard. When you want a date really bad and it shows, it's not a good thing. If you go hunting for someone you probably won't find anything. But if you are not searching and are interested in bettering yourself, you just might find something. Become interested in people, care about them, and this interest will be returned.
2. Don't feel rushed to pick one guy or one girl. There is nothing wrong with dating more than one person, as long as you're honest about it and not just doing it for the attention. A good rule of thumb is if you really like being with a person you're okay to date them and others with honesty.
3. Don't alienate your friends while you are dating. It's guaranteed you won't be dating forever. Besides, your friends have probably done more for you than any "interest" has, so keep up your end of the deal. Just because you're dating someone or several someone's, doesn't mean you can't call and talk to your friend about how they're doing. Go out to lunch with them once in awhile, or have a girls/guys night out. This will actually make you more attractive. People with their own lives keep others' interest longer.
What To Do
1. Take a look at yourself and your "issues." You may think you want to date, but you don't appear that way because you have school pressures, problems at home, or your last breakup is on your mind. Be patient and deal with these important things first and then you'll be a great date.
2. Open your eyes to all your romance options. Many times people get too focused on one person. If you'd look around you might see some great person--maybe even better than the one you have your eye on-- right in front of you. Maybe you can't see the person who likes you "that way" because you've always thought of him as just a friend. Sometimes friends make the best "interests."
3. Build your confidence. When you think you're special, others will think you're special too. Do something nice for yourself, give yourself a new look, set achievable goals and reach them. All these things will help you feel better about yourself.
4. Use dating "downtime" to its fullest potential. Focus on your studies, get organized, deepen friendships and generally go for your goals with renewed fervor. You are free to flirt and hang out with friends all you want. Use this time wisely and have fun with it.
5. Take note while you are dating. Remember how you feel, how you act, how you are toward others. While you are dating be grateful, and write these positive things down. While you're in a famine, remember these things and try to feel the same way about yourself. You are still that confident person in there if you remember.
Reference
Lemming, R. (1998). "Dating Cycles: When You're Hot, When You're Not." Teen Magazine v 42: 54.
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