How to Create A Great First Date
There are so many individual preferences involved in dating, it is not possible to describe everything that makes a good first date. Generally, however, it is possible to focus on the fact that two people might be doing something they both enjoy while they do two very important things. First, they are presenting themselves to each other and learning about each other. Second, each is attempting to see if he or she is accepted and understood. These happen as a result of conversation and displays of warmth, humor, and/or affection. People generally feel they have had a great first date when they have presented themselves accurately and feel accepted and understood by the other.
Accurately Present Yourself
1. Honestly self disclose or tell about one or more events in your life which have meaning or significance to you.
2. Tell about something you have felt strongly about.
3. Rather than always tell about other people, use personal statements such as, "In my opinion," "I am not certain what others think but I think", "I believe that."
4. Honestly describe what you think and feel if asked. Efforts to be honest are rewarded with trust. Be accurate about dates and times and what happened in the experiences you talk about.
5. Use positive/optimistic words such as "I was trying to be" or "If I could just".
Ask angling questions (open ended) to give permission for the other person to give more information.
1. I would like to know about
2. Can you tell me about?
3. What do you think about?
4. How do you see?
Use the Language of Understanding
1. Sometimes summarize what the other person has said, without agreeing or disagreeing with what was said. "So you are saying that."
2. Use some of the words the other person uses. If he/she says, "It was really great," then you can say, "Well, I had a really great time."
3. Use follow up questions after the other person has told about himself/herself.
"Tell me more about that." "What else happened?"
4. Use descriptive language to describe the other person.
"So, you are the kind of person that."
5. Occasionally suggest that you understand what the other person feels.
"You seem to be very excited about that."
6. Avoid openly disagreeing unless pressed for an honest opinion.
Pay Attention, Show Approval, and Communicate Exclusivity
1. Focus on the other person rather than tell about other people you have met or know.
2. Adjust your voice tones (from louder to softer) to show exclusivity.
3. Maintain eye contact and look into the other person's face while you talk and while you listen.
4. Use acceptance phrases such as "I like that" or "That was very interesting."
At The End of the Date Describe the Positive Parts about It
1. "I felt very relaxed. Thank you."
2. "I enjoyed talking with you."
3. "I had a very pleasant time."
4. "This was fun for me.""