Deciding If The Person You Are Dating Is "The One"
You have been dating your partner for several months now. You have a really good time together and enjoy being in his or her company. You think you are falling in love and feel like you may want to take your relationship further. However, you are somewhat hesitant. You want to be very careful. You don't want to make a mistake, and stay together if it is not right. How do you know if he or she is really "the one?"
If this situation sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many people in intimate dating relationships struggle with deciding if they have found Mr. or Ms. Right. However, as you come to learn effective practices, you will be better able to determine if your partner is right for you.
What to Consider
Searching for a lifetime mate can be worrisome. You want to find a spouse, but want to make sure you do not make a mistake. Many people are intimidated by high divorce rates and the amount of spouse abuse that goes on. They are reluctant to make a commitment until they know if their partner is really "the one." While there are no foolproof methods of discovering if you have found the right person for you, there are some things that should be considered.
What Not to Do
1. Don't look for the superficial. When searching for a mate, it is important to look past the superficial. Many men and women say they want someone who is attractive, rich, or romantic. While these things are important, they are not essential. Marriages based on superficial wants are often unfulfilling. Make sure that you look past the superficial to the things that really matter.
2. Don't rule out less popular men and women. Many people who are searching for a marriage partner look only to the most popular men and women: those who are attractive and date a lot. However, this may not be the best strategy. An old-fashioned or conservative person may be a better spouse. Make sure that you don't rule out less popular men and women just because they don't go out as much.
3. Don't expect perfection. If you are happy with your partner most of the time, you may have found a good choice for a marriage partner. No one can be happy with another person twenty-four hours a day. When you are looking for a spouse make sure that you don't expect perfection. Some people never marry because they are searching for a person who has everything they have ever wanted. Don't fall into this trap.
What to Do
The following are ideas from Lynn Norment's "How Do You Know When You Have Found Mr. or Ms. Right?" on how to decide if your dating partner is someone that you should marry.
1. Follow your heart and your gut feelings. When you are trying to decide if your dating partner is the one for you, make sure you follow your heart and your gut feelings. Each person has feelings for a reason. Make sure you follow them. For example, if you think you should marry this person, but your gut feeling tells you different, there is probably a reason for it. On the other hand, if you really feel it is right, go for it!
2. Make sure you really know your potential mate. Before you jump into marriage, make sure you really know your potential mate. Some people get caught up in the feelings of romance and marry without really knowing much about their partner. This can lead to serious problems later on. Make sure that you see your mate in many different situations and in different places. Get to know his or her family, friends and other loved ones and ask questions. Do all you can to find out what your partner is really like.
3. Determine if you are compatible. While opposites can attract, it is important to make sure that you and your partner are compatible in the big things. Do you have the same long-term goals? Are you at the same spiritual level? Are you intellectual equals? Do you have the same ambitions? If the answer to any of these questions is no, you may run into trouble later on in life.
4. Evaluate your communication skills. When looking for a lifelong partner, it is important to evaluate your communication skills. He or she should listen to what you say and value your opinions. If you have found the right person for you, there should be open, loving communication. If you cannot talk about things now, you will not be able to after you are married.
5. Assess your ability to laugh together. Laughter and the ability to have fun together is one on the keys to a happy, long relationship. Studies have found that families who laugh and play together, stay together. You should be able to relax and have a good time with your partner.
Reference
Norment, L. (1991). "How Do You Know When You Have Found Mr. or Ms. Right?" Ebony, 47: 54-58."